Know when to HOLD them, FOLD them, WALK away, and RUN
...when to HOLD them, FOLD them, walk away and RUN
I’ve been in two committed relationships and have dated a countless number of times.
My current commitment is a keeper, we respect each other and first and foremost we are friends. We were friends’ way before we became lovers and one never tries to change the other. I think the secret of a strong relationship is to like each other. This would be the hand that you HOLD.
My first commitment was filled with what I like to refer to as Crazy Love. We did not take the time to get to know each other. Ours was an instant lust, attraction type of relationship. The kind of attraction that makes you drive past the house at 2:00 in morning because the other could not be reached by cell phone, pager or smoke signal. The kind of attraction that makes you stay in that relationship trying to make it right even though you know there is no hope, this would be the hand that you FOLD.
Then there was the relationship that I wanted to work out because we were the lovers and best of best friends, it just did not seem to be the “Right Time” in both of our lives. Sadly enough, this would be the hand that you walk way from.
Now for everyone who has ever gotten to a point in their lives when they needed and wanted to have someone, anyone in their lives. This would be the relationship that you would have to know when to RUN.
There was a point in my life when I was lonely and desperate to have a partner in my life. This relationship was no good from the start (this was a low point in my life). The person would choose what I was going to wear when we went out and what I said when we were around their friends. This person would wake me up in the morning just to tell me I looked funny when I slept. They would argue with me for comments I made about how good I thought a movie actor looked. After about 4 months of this constant controlling, no love filled relationship, I RAN and never looked back
Dr G,
I am looking for some advice and when i read this posting, I thought maybe you would be perfect. I have been in a relationship that was based solely on lies, and how is one to know when they are being lied to? I mean, there is obvious lies, if say, drugs were involved but these lies went above and beyond the scope of a normal human being. The lies ranged from them having cancer, about their sexual orientation, about their job and financial situation, their previous spouse dying of cancer was a lie, their family background, even the reason behind some apparent jail time that they served. In your opinion, how would one really know, when the lies were so extravagent that one would believe them because of all the backup information they would provide? How would you handle this situation? What would be the best course of action to be able to see behind the lies so that you don't get hurt again by something like this. How can one ever trust people again after going through all of these lies and then find out many months into the relationship it was all garbage? Granted not all people are pathological liars and con artists, but it left a mark. I feel for anyone else that is caught up in my ex's web of deceit and hope that they do not have to endure what happened to me, and Lord knows how many others. It's a terrible thing and I wish I could show these other people the proof I have so that they will not pay a price such as I did. I have a bad feeling though that my ex had indeed made up lies to them that would prevent them from hearing what I have to say. Is it so wrong for me to want to help them as someone did for me so that I wasn't drained from all of the lies and deceit? How would you even get them to listen?
Any advice would be appreciated.
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People will do whatever it takes in order to keep us where they want us including lie. And they lie for many reason’s, mostly to try and keep themselves from looking bad to other people, controlling their current situation, and garnering trust and sympathy. All of these things are geared toward keeping the person in their lives their “Pawns” for as long as possible. Some of these people have dependant personalities and are very jealous.
Whether they love us or not their main objective is to control their surroundings at any cost.
The only thing you can do now, is try to learn from your unfortunate turn of events. By now your Ex has spun a web of lies so believable to a new “Victim” that whatever you say will only cause you more harm, heart ache and pain than you deserve. You are free and have learned a very painfull lesson that you will not repeat.
The best thing to do at this point is to take some time out from relationships and get to know and love you, so next time you will be able to smell the bullshit before it overtakes you.
Best wishes,
Dr G
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